I hate u :(

I am so mad at myself. I feel like I hate myself instead of hating you and I don't know if that's possible. Because I convinced myself I was over you and now I know it was all pretend...I pretended that I didn't look at you when you didn't notice I was. I pretended not to light up when you entered a room...I pretended not to be upset when we got in a fight. I pretended I didn't look forward to seeing you everyday. I pretended that I wasn't hurt when you broke my heart. I pretended I didn't miss you when you didn't come around. Now all these lies have showed me is that I miss you so much more than I had realized.